Archive for the ‘Dying’ Tag
Good bye to the best dog ever
Funny how sometimes the day takes a turn you never expected?
Ours did today.
We said good bye to our family pet of twelve years.
We knew something was wrong.
She lost 32 pounds in a few months.
We took her in for a check-up and a bath.
We ended up saying a tear-full good bye.
It was the right thing to do…the humane thing…she was in pain…she wouldn’t get better.
She showed up for her checkup at 9:00 am and at 1:00 pm five of us pet her farewell.
Four hours.
Another one of those things I never thought I would do.
Do all dogs go to heaven?
If any dog did it would be Maggie.
I thought I would get through it OK but then I saw Three…and I remembered her as the little girl of ten who picked up our puppy twelve years ago and held her all the way home. I had this vision of her in her soccer uniform holding her puppy and…sob.
Funny thing, on the way home I imagined her playing catch in some lofty realm with Lucy.
Reverse teaching moment
I was at the zoo with Ten and Eleven.
We were looking at baby Mongoose.
There were four babies all nestled together in a puppy bed.
I commented to Ten that they reminded me of Nine, Ten, and Eleven all snuggeled in their bed.
Seeing there were four, Eleven said and Lucy makes four.
Choke!
But the way she said it bore no remorse or grief…just her thinking fondly of snuggling in one queen-sizeed bed with her three sisters.
Isn’t it great that Lucy is alive in her mind…I hope forever.
I guess one has to be really mature and sophisticated in order to remember that she died following a horible debilitating disease.
Thanks for the teaching moment, Eleven…I hope I can return the favor.
Remembering Lucy
Filed under: Reflection | Tags: Big Family, Children, Dying, Hope
Leave a Comment Well…our local newspaper, in its year-end wrap up edition, remembered our Lucy in an article titled “25 who made a difference”.
Lucy was listed along with the likes of legendary Paul Harvey and twenty-three other noteworthy, local residents who passed away in 2009.
Lucy was the youngest descedent on the list at just 3 years old.
The editors said she made a difference because she inspired her brother (Seven) to organize a fundraising effort to raise money for research into the terrible disease that stole her sweet young life from her.
Hey, I guess that was pretty darn impressive.
I’d say she was also part of a pretty crazy and sometimes amazing family with remarkable friends!
Losing Lucy, after all, is chronicles of hope in the midst of calamity.
And isn’t that a happy way to end an eventful year?
2010…bring it.
Happy New Year, Lucy.
Six lessons from 5 funerals
Filed under: God, Reflection, Uncategorized | Tags: Dying, God
Leave a Comment I’ve been to five funerals this year.
I guess that’s something I’ll have to get used to as the crowd I hang with gets older.
What have I learned?
Hardly anything is said about the dead person’s job. No sales goals topped. No special promotions. No gold watch.
Funny – the things we pursue the most seem to matter least in the end. So why do we pursue them so vigorously?
What does count?
- Memories – like the prophets Simon and Garfunkel said, “preserve your memories…that’s all that’s left!” So let’s make lots more memories – I think we’re on a good path there.
- Pictures – take lots of them – imagine the next picture you pose for will be shown for six or seven hours at your wake on a PowerPoint.
- Laughs – laughing at the funny things said or done. It ties back into memories and pictures. None of the folks whose funerals I attended had kept a blog to make it easy for their family. You’ll thank me someday.
- Touch – hugs are very important – I think I need to start hugging more outside of funerals. I think we need to be reminded that we are loved, not just at funerals.
- Words of love – we all need to be affirmed that we are loved. I’m glad we all tell each other in the family that we love each other often. You never know when it will be the last time. I’m going to make sure I won’t miss an opportunity.
- Prayers – tons of them. I am amazed at all the people who were praying for Lucy and us and still are praying for us. People we don’t know and never will this side of heaven. I think that’s why I feel so hopeful even in the darkest days. I bet more prayers are prayed for families around times of trouble than any other time. I’m going to have to step up my praying for others, even those I don’t know. Its the right thing to do.
There’s nothing like a funeral that helps us put life in perspective. It is precious, too short, should not be wasted, should be remembered and treasured. Remember God is in charge and we’re on our way to meet him.
It’s like we came into the world with a mission but got distracted by all the pretty lights. A funeral snaps us back into reality and our mission – to seek God’s will – show His love – and be conformed to the character of His son, Jesus.
Does the wire love the electricity?
We ran the race yesterday and today and the last three years and hundred eleven days.
At least that’s what people tell us.
We are good at planning both weddings and funerals.
They said both Two’s wedding and Twelve’s funera were the most God honoring events of their kind they have ever seen.
Thank you.
What they really mean is they saw something there today and last summer that they rarely see.
They saw something spectacular.
So did we.
And it wasn’t us.
They saw God working through us clay pots.
There’s a tendency to give kudos to the clay pots.
You can see the pots, but not always the potter.
It’s like saying great job to the wires that bring the electricity to your house.
But the wires are pretty useless without the juice.
And we’re just jars of clay without God’s spirit.
So, what they mean to say is, “I saw God himself use you to show himself to all of us through your daughter’s life, dying, wake and funeral.”
I bet the wire is honored to carry the awesome power electricity and powers to many different things.
If we were used by God to show His love the least of His children or to show His love to everyone watching then my life is complete.
I am an outside-the-box thinker. So is God, except he’s tons more OTB than me.
The really big picture – maybe the answer to all our whys is – this is how he shows himself to us. This is how He hugs us and holds us close. By allowing us to share in His joy…His love…His works of mercy in this broken and fallen world.
Yes, the wire loves the electricity with unbelievable passion because the wire was made for the electricity. The pot was made by and for the potter. And we were made for His special special purposes. This is Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
We have lived and seen the plans and promised of the Lord through our time with Lucy.
Lucy, we hardly knew you
Today we laid Lucy to rest.
We hardly knew her.
Well, we knew her intimately for three years and one hundred eleven days.
We didn’t know her favorite color.
We didn’t know who her best friend in school would be.
Who would be the first boy to kiss her.
Who would walk her to school the first day?
When would she learn to ride a bike?
How far could she hit a baseball?
What would be her favorite bible story?
Would she make the soccer team.
Would she ever sing a solo in the choir?
What would she wear to eight grade graduation.
Who would take her to prom?
Where would she go to college?
Would she break any hearts?
What would her husband be like?
How many children would she have?
Would she be a good cook?
What kind of grandmother would she be?
So many questions that will never be answered.
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy. (Hamlet)
And so it goes. God’s ways are not our ways.
Three hundred hugs
We held Lucy’s wake today. Add that to my list of things I never thought I’d do.
There we were in the funeral home – all sixteen of us – battle stations.
I took point – the first line of defense.
They would have to hug their way through a heck of a lot us to get to the inner sanctum – Mom and Lucy.
Getting hugged three hundred times is exhausting.
Talk about life support.
Another vision – I’m the receptionist for Mom. She is really the main attraction. I’m just there to slow down the line so she can hear everything everyone has to say.
Try this one – the bouncer at an AA meeting. How many women came up to me and said “I’m Susan and I’m a friend of your wife.” Very good ma’am, your clear to pass.
Once I saw no purpose in wakes. I thought they were stupid and barbaric. That was a long time ago when I was young and stupid. I was wrong.
Later I understood that they served a purpose but usually offered to watch the kids or mow the lawn while my wife went representing both of us.
Not any more. I’m a believer now.
I treasured every soul who passed through our line today. I never felt more alive – make that part of the human race.
Death has a way of bringing everyone together. It’s like giving a promotion to your relationship status. Casual friends become old buddies. People you held a small grudge against are renewed friends. Old friends and best friends.
This event was a necessary part of the process. In our case it was a way to stand back and take stock of the family God has blessed us with – dressed up bringing their best game.
It’s a time for your community give your a progress report on how you have run your family. Of course they grade on the curve because of your situation.
Just one complaint
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Dear hospital complaint department,
I’m not one of those people that complains about everything. In fact my wife says I don’t speak up enough. See I just don’t let those things bother me. I’m not the type that will have a stroke because another group gets seated before mine in a nice restaurant. I usually don’t lose it when someone beats me to the last parking spot. And I rarely complain when Ten asks for a glass of water in the middle of the night or for pasta for every meal.
OK I’m getting to the point. I know you’re busy.
You need to buy better tissues for the children’s department.
At least break them out when a child is getting close to the end.
You tissues really suck.
They are too small.
I mean they probably aren’t even a good investment. We must have used twice as many small ones as we would have used big ones.
Even little kids tears need a big tissue at times like these.
Is everybody is watching us?
It’s the weirdest feeling.
I feel like everybody I pass by knows.
Knows what?
His little girl just died.
I felt it before…1988…when we lost a baby (Jimmy we call him) in Mom’s fifth month.
Some people actually do know.
It’s just in my head.
So what if they know.
It’s true.
Do I have a sign on my back?
Do I smell like the hospital?
Maybe it’s because we were on Holy Ground.
Did angels come to take Lucy home?
Was Jesus in her hospital room?
The answers are Probably and yes.
Is that what people smell? See? Sense?
That’s a good thing!
I should have taken off my shoes.
Lucy’s going to heaven…who’s driving?
Filed under: Eleven, God, Memories | Tags: Children, Dying, God
Leave a Comment As we gathered around her bed Mom told Nine, Ten and Eleven that Lucy was going to Heaven soon.
Without skipping a beat Eleven said, “Who’s driving her?’
Rim shot please!
Thanks God and Eleven for the comic relief.
Eleven get’s cranky on long rides. We usually travel in multiple vehicles. She was probably going to jockey for the car with her favorite family members riding along.
Sorry honey, you can’t go on this ride…please don’t go.
